Thursday, June 15, 2006
BAGUIO CITY. Summer capital of the Philippines. Too cold for me, I could die anytime in the middle of the night with blue lips and purple skin. Always encounter flights and flights of stairs anywhere, everywhere, everytime (I lost weight, so I could say this in my trademark adik-adik tone). I'm so lonely. I feel empty. People who try to pull me down and show that I'm worth nothing. People who LIE to me. People who build Mount Everests from an anthill. People who you try to help and feel bad at you because you care to do so. People who forget everything that you had had in the past. Friends you thought were forever yours to keep. This isn't getting anywhere...
Yesterday, I was about to eat lunch. Alone. I ordered a value meal and the stupid carinderia lady served me one whole order of each. I got so pissed off that I walked out of the establishment. I transferred to another self-service restaurant and finally found contentment. I was eating and I texted my mom, "Kmain n kau?" No reply until after five minutes: "Wthrw k n s bngko". I replied, "Ma, msrp bng m2ty?"
I thought I was doomed to forever be alone, that I already had my share of happinees back at high school and God would want me to feel isolated from the world for a change. My cellphone was ringing, mother was calling but I paid no attention. I thought of all those people that I thought I had... and realized that I don't need them in my life. They don't need me, why should I need them?
I thought that one day, my so-called friends will find me in a corner of a mall chatting animatedly with my new friends, and they'd come up and say "Bezy! How are you?" to which I'd answer "Do I know you?" and continue with my business. I thought of not going back home forever and not answering any incoming calls from any of my family. I thought of being alone in my room, thinking about how alone I was in the world and suddenly finding a rope in one of the drawers and...
I started walking towards Burnham park, an overpass away from the Nursing building of my school (Hell, yeah, I'm an official Louisian!). I looked up to see a man smirking at me and then suddenly burst out laughing at me! Why? Because I'm fat, that's why! I grew even more angrier and climbed the overpass. When I was exactly four feet above him, I opened my half-full mineral water bottle and threw all the contents on him. I heard him scream before I ran away.
This occurrence gave me a new thought: that there are two types of people in the world- the beautiful and the ugly. The beautiful earn respect (and whistles!) from his/her fellow men, while the ugly get laughed at and discriminated. Also notice that the beautiful are often the people who are contented with their love lives, while the ugly are those who sigh and dream when their crush passes by and weep when they find out that he/she is already taken. I've plenty more comparative statements here, but it'll take me the whole day if I type them all out.
God, I was SO angry I could kill. I imagined that I was beautiful, and all those who were so cruel and mean to me I've attracted. They were all asking for me to be theirs, but I wouldn't give in. In the end, I tell them all that I already have a boyfriend... "Oh, you know who he is! He's Bentoy! You know, that guy you were all making fun of?"
It was raining hard when I decided to go home. I was soaked to the bone when I arrived. My housemates said they were worried, and that my mother was worried that I had done something bad to myself. Oh, now they all care! But I wasn't mad anymore... I wasn't crazy anymore... I figured out that:
1. People who don't treat you as a friend (or not anymore as a friend) don't deserve you. There are so many potential best friends out there! My search is definitely on!
2. People are not classified according to their physical appearance. They are classified according to their intelligence. The smart people appreciate beauty as universal: there is nothing on Earth that's ugly. The ignorant, however, discriminate everything they don't find beautiful. They're too stupid to know real beauty. They don't consider how other people feel. They try to make you think that you're nobody. In regards with the lovelife, it doesn't necessarily mean that the beautiful people in a relationship are truly happy. It's the smart bunch who are happy because there is mutuality, harmony and love within the relationship. Ignorant people don't even know what these things mean, and thus are in for a chaotic romance!
3. Your family cares about you, no matter what. Mama thinks that I texted my horrid message because I'm finding my course difficult or something. When I told her about my temporary illness, she said "Aba, mas maganda nga ang mag-isa ka all the time, kahit habang kumakain, kasi it's an opportunity for you to bond with yourself and your notes." Mama, you're a genius!
This morning, I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to take on a new day (all crazed thoughts forgotten, thank God!).
The rain did me good.
P.S. Hottie alert! 2 new hotties caught my eye... One guy striked me as having the same attitude as "Tweety" *wink wink*... And one was watching me with a twinkle in his eye while I reported in history (but he's already taken, so...)...
Yesterday, I was about to eat lunch. Alone. I ordered a value meal and the stupid carinderia lady served me one whole order of each. I got so pissed off that I walked out of the establishment. I transferred to another self-service restaurant and finally found contentment. I was eating and I texted my mom, "Kmain n kau?" No reply until after five minutes: "Wthrw k n s bngko". I replied, "Ma, msrp bng m2ty?"
I thought I was doomed to forever be alone, that I already had my share of happinees back at high school and God would want me to feel isolated from the world for a change. My cellphone was ringing, mother was calling but I paid no attention. I thought of all those people that I thought I had... and realized that I don't need them in my life. They don't need me, why should I need them?
I thought that one day, my so-called friends will find me in a corner of a mall chatting animatedly with my new friends, and they'd come up and say "Bezy! How are you?" to which I'd answer "Do I know you?" and continue with my business. I thought of not going back home forever and not answering any incoming calls from any of my family. I thought of being alone in my room, thinking about how alone I was in the world and suddenly finding a rope in one of the drawers and...
I started walking towards Burnham park, an overpass away from the Nursing building of my school (Hell, yeah, I'm an official Louisian!). I looked up to see a man smirking at me and then suddenly burst out laughing at me! Why? Because I'm fat, that's why! I grew even more angrier and climbed the overpass. When I was exactly four feet above him, I opened my half-full mineral water bottle and threw all the contents on him. I heard him scream before I ran away.
This occurrence gave me a new thought: that there are two types of people in the world- the beautiful and the ugly. The beautiful earn respect (and whistles!) from his/her fellow men, while the ugly get laughed at and discriminated. Also notice that the beautiful are often the people who are contented with their love lives, while the ugly are those who sigh and dream when their crush passes by and weep when they find out that he/she is already taken. I've plenty more comparative statements here, but it'll take me the whole day if I type them all out.
God, I was SO angry I could kill. I imagined that I was beautiful, and all those who were so cruel and mean to me I've attracted. They were all asking for me to be theirs, but I wouldn't give in. In the end, I tell them all that I already have a boyfriend... "Oh, you know who he is! He's Bentoy! You know, that guy you were all making fun of?"
It was raining hard when I decided to go home. I was soaked to the bone when I arrived. My housemates said they were worried, and that my mother was worried that I had done something bad to myself. Oh, now they all care! But I wasn't mad anymore... I wasn't crazy anymore... I figured out that:
1. People who don't treat you as a friend (or not anymore as a friend) don't deserve you. There are so many potential best friends out there! My search is definitely on!
2. People are not classified according to their physical appearance. They are classified according to their intelligence. The smart people appreciate beauty as universal: there is nothing on Earth that's ugly. The ignorant, however, discriminate everything they don't find beautiful. They're too stupid to know real beauty. They don't consider how other people feel. They try to make you think that you're nobody. In regards with the lovelife, it doesn't necessarily mean that the beautiful people in a relationship are truly happy. It's the smart bunch who are happy because there is mutuality, harmony and love within the relationship. Ignorant people don't even know what these things mean, and thus are in for a chaotic romance!
3. Your family cares about you, no matter what. Mama thinks that I texted my horrid message because I'm finding my course difficult or something. When I told her about my temporary illness, she said "Aba, mas maganda nga ang mag-isa ka all the time, kahit habang kumakain, kasi it's an opportunity for you to bond with yourself and your notes." Mama, you're a genius!
This morning, I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to take on a new day (all crazed thoughts forgotten, thank God!).
The rain did me good.
P.S. Hottie alert! 2 new hotties caught my eye... One guy striked me as having the same attitude as "Tweety" *wink wink*... And one was watching me with a twinkle in his eye while I reported in history (but he's already taken, so...)...
